A Betrayal of Trust

“…I couldn’t figure out what was happening. The words to even make it stop wouldn’t come. It’s a 7-year-old mind. I couldn’t articulate what I was feeling, what was happening, how to make it stop. …

I think for a child it’s much more about the betrayal than it is about the abuse. It is about the betrayal of trust.”

More from Charles Blow via NPR

Top Albums – End of September

The Rdio music service I use curates a “Top Albums” page based on my listening. I am not sure what criteria they use but I was thinking it might be interesting as an overview of the soundtrack for the month, and also to see how it changes over time.

End of September

Pick any album and give it a listen. I can’t imagine you being disappointed. All are obviously available on Rdio which offers a freebie plan or a super cheap monthly fee for what I call their more than you can possibly listen to plan.

Ryan Adams – Ryan Adams
Beck – Morning Phase
Lucinda Williams – Car Wheels on a Gravel Road
John Hiatt – Walk On
Elliot Smith – Either Or
Toad The Wet Sprocket – Dulcinea
The Grays – Ro Sham Bo
Paul Westerberg – 14 Songs
The Greenberry Woods – Rapple Dapple
The Paul & John – Inner Sunset
The Barr Brothers – The Barr Brothers
High on Stress – Cop Light Parade


I’ve talked a number of times with my therapist about journaling, documenting some of the things that I experience between our sessions. I’ve been paying a lot of attention to the things I see and feel during a normal day and I think it’s been interesting. Here’s something I wrote last night. It was pretty stream of consciousness and is unedited.


One of the blogs I follow routinely posts a picture with the heading of ‘find something beautiful today’ with a correspondingly beautiful photo. A great sentiment for sure but I realized that I don’t do that, or am unable to do that. When I leave my house I don’t see beautiful. I don’t see blue skies or flowers blooming in our yard. I don’t see the trees starting to change color. What I see is the trash that someone threw out of their car window on to our parkway. I still see the cat that someone hit with their car and left to die on our driveway (not literally, we have removed it) – As I pull out of our driveway I see the fence that the vandals have broken between us and the grocery store. As I approach the corner I slow to a near stop and make sure that someone isn’t going to turn in to the street from the t-street that connects. There’s no stop sign there for me but I’ve seen folks cut in without looking so many times, or kids rolling across without looking to reach the park across the way, that I worry each and every time. While I’m slowed there, I can’t help but notice the computer monitor sitting in the tall grass to my right. Someone dumped it there. Just dumped it. In a few weeks I’ll see bags of leaves dumped there. People will dump the leaves so that they don’t have to buy the yard waste stickers. Big plastic garbage bags full of leaves. Probably a dozen of them. They’re not there yet but I see them, think about them. Get mad about them.

When I get to the intersection leaving my subdivision, I’ll watch as the cars from the far-left turning lane turn left into either the middle or even far right lanes, even though there are cars from the other second turning lane to the right trying to turn there. It happens every time.

As we drive west I watch people get tailgated even if they are doing well above the speed limit. Cars speed up to change lanes, cut others off, jockeying for position as we reach the stop light. Of course, many can’t be bothered enough to lift their arms enough to actually turn on a signal so I just have to watch them closely as they prepare to make their move.

It’s a short drive to Target or one of the other places I go to. On the trip I’ll see at least one person toss trash or a cigarette out their window. More weaving and cutting off and tailgating as people try to win whatever race it is they are in. As I pull in the parking lot, I avoid the cars going down the lanes in the wrong direction, find a spot away from people who feel their cars are important enough to use two spaces, and I park. Gina usually runs in. I watch a car pull in to a handicapped spot. A young guy hangs a blue placard from his rear-view mirror, climbs out from his tall SUV with no trouble and maybe even jogs across the parking lane to avoid oncoming cars. While I wait, I see another person dump their ashtray. A man tries to toss his cup in to the trash as he approaches the store but it misses. He leaves it on the ground.

This is what I see, what I experience, every time I leave my home. None of this is beautiful.

Season’s End

The first of Marillion‘s post Fish releases, Season’s End, was a bit of a challenge for me at the time but it’s aged really well and Steve Hogarth has proven himself to be a wonderful singer / songwriter. After 25 years it ranks right up there with Clutching at Straws and Misplaced Childhood as one of my favorites.

Running Away

Just about two years ago I participated in National Novel Writing Month, a contest of sorts to get one started on a writing project by committing to write at least 50,000 words in a one month period. I successfully completed that challenge and have been working on my novel Rerouting in fits and bursts since that time.

Back in August of last year I was feeling particularly frustrated with my writing and my prospects of finishing. It was about that time that one of the nice people that I follow on Twitter was tweeting excitedly about the publishing of her own book. It was fortuitous and inspiring because here was someone who was doing it, had written, had edited, revised, rewritten, edited again, and then declared that she was finished. All the work that she had done had led to a completed work, a book. A Real Book!

I needed inspiration and this was it. It kept me writing, kept my goal real and something that could be accomplished.

Running Away Graphic 2The author is Julie Hutchings and the book was Running Home. I bought it and read it and enjoyed it. Not only had she finished it, but it was also really good! It had vampires but not stupid twilight vampires, cool vampires with cool mythology, and it had real people and good characters and good writing and a love story and, damn it was just fun to read.

It’s been a bit over a year since Running Home came out and I still write. I still see a completed and published book somewhere in my future. It’s slow going but it’s going. Julie has also continued to write and following her progress on Twitter has continued to inspire me to keep writing, to not abandon my project. I don’t know if she has known how inspiring she has been, but I guess she will now.

So as I still work my way through my first novel, Julie is at it again and her follow-up to Running Home is coming out today. Titled Running Away, it continues the story of Eliza and Nicholas as we learn more about the Shinigami (the order of vampires) – plus other fun things like betrayals, vampire masters, immortality, and decaying people.

So, bottom line here, Julie is awesome, her books are awesome, and I can’t wait to read this. Maybe you’ll like it too.